I’ve been writing today’s blog post all day. It wasn’t very long. Only about 200 words. But when the moment came, I simply couldn’t post it. I felt it would probably offend people, or make people mad at me. Not you out there, who read my blog. But a few very specific people, who I suspect never read my blog.

But what if they do? I ask myself. What if they get mad at me? What indeed? You see, try as I might, I’m a people pleaser. It’s the part of my personality that I like least. I can’t bear to think that people are mad or upset with me, or that they think bad of me. I fear confrontation and conflict. Always have.

The good side of that part of me is that I like people very much. I get a kick out of people. I enjoy the company of people. I want to help out the people I love and also people I don’t know.

But the flip side is that I can get in a knot about getting on the wrong side of people I neither like nor respect.

So, today’s blog was going to be about how good this trip to the UK has been. About how the usual triggers of palpitations and panic attacks have not triggered me this time. I couldn’t post that. Because the triggers might read it. But, while I’m not ready to take that step, I know that a big part of not having panic attacks this time around is because, sometime in the past year, I decided I’m too old for people pleasing.

So, I’m working on growing out of it.