99. Membrillo

I thought we’d missed the season. I was disappointed. I’ve been parsing out the last bit of membrillo (quince jelly) to Lily and Katie to eat with cheese. ‘Is there any more?’ they ask, when faced with the thin sliver of fragrant amber jelly on their plates. ‘That’s it,’ I say. ‘It’s nearly all gone.’

Since moving to Sanlúcar a decade ago, I have made quince jelly pretty much every year in late summer. First, I pick a large bagful from a couple of trees by the river on the land tended by lovely old Juan de Correos (who sadly passed away this summer), or I get some from the land of my friends, Paul and Diana.

Turning the hard pale green fruits into dark orange deliciousness is a Saturday morning’s work – washing the growth of fuzz off each fruit, peeling and coring them (they have nasty black sticky cores), chopping them into the saucepan and adding sugar and the tiniest bit of water. And then the magic happens. The quince gradually transform from something more akin to a potato than a pear in look and texture into the most fragrant, most floral, deepest orange mush. A quick blitz with the hand blender once the mush has reached setting temperature, and then I pour it into two trays to set. As it cools, it solidifies to a jelly and turns translucent. It’s magical. And the taste is heavenly. When it cools and sets, I cut it into blocks and store it for use throughout the year.

The last of last year’s membrillo

In my house, we eat it with cheese or sometimes on toast. I put it as a middle layer in homemade oat bars, and I even add it to apple pies.

So, imagine how I felt when I thought I’d missed the season. We’d been away for so long and I’m still kind of settling back in to life here, so making membrillo had slipped my mind. Until I realised we were down to our last block. A whole year without membrillo? Unimaginable!

This evening, Lady and I went out for our evening walk and I came to a membrillo tree, branches sagging under the weight of a healthy fruit crop. And then I remembered. This was the very tree that I had picked the quince from last year. This tree comes into fruit later than the other trees that I usually pick from and the fruit last year was much better – no rotten bits, no waspy bits, just perfect quinces.

The tree is on the edge of a field, with half its branches hanging out over the fence and over the edge of the road. It was ftom these branches that I picked last year. This evening, I made a mental note to come back tomorrow with my backpack and take what I need.

As I walked past the tree on the return leg of my walk, the man who owns the field was there. I asked if I could take some quinces tomorrow and told him I’d taken some last year. We got into a conversation about membrillo and it’s many delicious uses and he told me to take what I need.

So, tomorrow I’ll be back by the tree to forage some fruit and, although I’d planned to do something else, Saturday will be my annual membrillo-making day.

98. Boobs

I’m sitting in the waiting room waiting for a mammogram. Just a routine one – my second. The first one was two years ago, when I turned 50. That and the first colon cancer screening. It’s good that we get tested for all these things but, once again, Spanish health care surprises me.

I see that the radiographer conducting the mammogram is the same man as last time. He’s about my age, has a harried look about him, but I think it’s just because of his unkempt hair. The first time, I found it odd that (a) it was a man and (b) there was no female nurse or assistant in the room. At least I had a little changing room where I could strip off in private, unlike the time I went to the hospital a few years ago and had to drop my trousers in front of two males doctors (again, no female members of staff present) like some supremely untalented Gypsy Rose Lee.

Last time I came for a mammogram, the radiographer conducted a jolly conversation with me about the state of Irish rugby (something about which I know absolutely nothing) while he placed each of my boobs on the machine and squished and squeezed them into position. I guess the surreality of it all took my mind off the physical and emotional discomfort!! I wonder what he’ll talk about this time? I’m next in line…I’ll soon find out.

PS…I’m home now. He discussed the time of the once daily bus to Sanlúcar. Now that’s a topic I know something about.

95. Morning stars

I thought the early starts last week would be much tougher. In fact, they weren’t too bad at all. After almost three months, during which I only occasionally set an alarm and most days didn’t get up until at least 8am, I wasn’t looking forward to not only returning to the Monday to Friday school routine, but also having to get up an hour earlier because of Lily starting a new school.

Like I said before, getting up in the dark is not one of my favourite things. But, as I’ve discovered this week, getting up at 6am has its merits. This week, while Lily got ready for school, I wrote my morning pages, did ten minutes of yoga, and prepped breakfasts and school snacks.

Lily leaving the house at 7:05 to walk to the bus is the perfect opportunity for me to take Lady for her first walk of the day – just a short one, which works out better for me and for her and for the timing of our later, big walk of the morning.

And what did Lily and I (and maybe Lady) discover? Stars! So many stars in the sky at that hour. And the moon. And planets. And the occasional shooting star. What a way to start the day, with a few moments of star gazing.

By the time Lady and I get home after our brief walk, Katie is up and getting ready to catch her bus, forty minutes later.

It’s a new approach to the morning. I doubt I’ll be feeling this positive when the mornings are no longer a pleasant temperature and I have to drag myself out from under my winter duvet.

P.S. One slight fly in the ointment occurred on the second day of school, when the bus simply didn’t turn up. Lily waited and waited and eventually came home again. She’s the only student from Sanlúcar going to that school and she’s the first one to go to that school in at least three years. The bus driver came the first day. A different bus driver, the second day, forgot to drive to Sanlúcar out of habit. So she got the day off school (I wasn’t about to undertake an 80 minute round trip to drive her there.) I phoned the principal, who phoned the bus company, and the bus has arrived promptly every day since.

90. Before sunrise

The biggest shock about coming back to Spain after a whole summer away at higher latitudes is the very late sunrise.

After giving myself a lie-in on our first morning back, I set my alarm for 7:00 the next day. I wasn’t going to push it. 7:00 would be perfectly manageable.

The alarm duly went off at 7:00 the next morning. But wait, there must have been some mistake. It was still the middle of the night.

I dozed a bit longer. 7:20, 7:30, 7:40. Still felt like the middle of the night. When I finally got up at 7:50, there was a little light outside, but not enough to light the rooms. Back in Ireland, I’d been throwing open the blinds in Mammy’s kitchen at that hour, the sun pouring in on me as I made my first cup of tea.

Not so here. I love getting up early in the morning. But I don’t like getting up in what feels like the middle of the night. (There’s also the different time zones to consider, even though Ireland and Spain are longitudinally close).

We’re only a week away from the autumn equinox and the time of sunrise in Ireland and Spain are rapidly inching closer. Soon, those higher latitudes will have later sunrise and shorter days than down here in Spain.

The big challenge for us begins tomorrow, when school begins in earnest. (Today was only a trial run with a late start). Lily will have to be up a little after 6am and out the door a little after 7, and Katie following on her heels 50 minutes later. Hard as it is for me to get up in the dark, dragging those two teenagers up will be no fun at all.

Time for lights out now.

89. Back to school

The girls have been on summer holidays now for about one-fifth of the year. It’s been a glorious summer. Despite some loss – or perhaps because of it, making us realise how fleeting and precious life is – we have had an amazing summer, during which we got to do some incredible things. Twelve hours from now, the new school year starts.

They’re both a little nervous – a new school for Lily, a new class for Katie. They will both have new classmates and new teachers and, in the case of Lily, new subjects that she’s never studied before.

I’m a little nervous too, as I always am at the start of the school year, hoping they will have positive experiences and will enjoy themselves.

They’ve got their bags packed, their clothes ready, and we’re in bed early tonight. The house is going to be very quiet tomorrow!

86. The most exclusive club

During the hazy lazy days of summer, Sanlúcar’s municipal swimming pool feels like some exclusive country club you’d see in a Hollywood movie, minus the shrimp cocktail and the dramatic intrigue. And it’s not just Sanlúcar. Village swimming pools all over Spain are like this, but I suspect there are few in as beautiful a location as this one, overlooking the Rio Guadiana and the hills of the northeast Algarve in Portugal on its western bank.

Why does it remind me of a country club? Well, our village is tiny, so the numbers of people attending the pool are pretty small. And everyone knows everyone. This really is Sanlúcar’s pool and, apart from the occasional visitor, the sun worshippers and bathers at this pool are the young and old of the village. Neighbours, friends, family members chat in the cool of the pool, look out for the toddlers tottering at the pool’s edge, gather in groups to share afternoon snacks. Children wander from one group of adults to another, because they know everyone, and you’d certainly never worry about leaving your belongings unattended. The life guards and other attendants are all local kids too.

But, unlike a country club, there’s no real exclusivity here. €2 for a day entry, €68 for a family for the entire season. Everyone is welcome here. But those who use the pool as visitors to the village might find the familiarity of all the other pool users with each other a bit strange. For Sanluceños, it’s just a wonderful break from the summer heat right on our doorsteps.

84. Surprising emotions

Arriving into Sanlúcar de Guadiana last night, I was surprised at just how happy I felt to be home. Just a simple feeling of contentment at being back in my own home.

Our seventy-five days in the UK and Ireland were delightful from start to end. I haven’t enjoyed myself so much or for so long on previous holidays. England was a joy and I experienced very strong positive emotions when I was in Ireland, whereas in the past my feelings have often been mixed. Not because Ireland isn’t great and not because my family and friends aren’t great. It was just me and where I was in my life on previous visits home that made me enjoy being in Ireland on holiday but also eager to return to where I had come from. I didn’t feel that way this time. I enjoyed my time there, and had very mixed feelings about leaving, feeling more torn between the two places I call home than I’ve ever felt before.

So, what a surprise to feel the way I did about turning the key in the lock and walking through my front door last night. Like an exhalation…I’m home. My house is looking a bit the worse for wear after lying empty for seventy-five days and it’ll take us a few days to sweep away the cobwebs, get unpacked and feel properly settled in, but that simple uncomplicated sense of being home was there from the moment I opened the door.

Our lovely friends had been in and left some food in the fridge and our neighbour had hung a fresh homemade loaf of bread on the front door. Still, I needed to buy a few odds and ends this morning, so, after breakfast I threw on something not very presentable that I pulled out of my suitcase and went to the two shops in the village. Ten minutes of shopping took me about three quarters of an hour, from all the people I met, the welcome back hugs and kisses I received, the conversations I had comparing Spanish and Irish weather. I felt welcomed home by my adopted village.

And then, the icing on the cake – collecting Lady from her summer villa (with a swimming pool, no less) and taking her home. Now that our scruffy, dusty, hair in her eyes Lady is back, my little home is complete.

Who cares that our two kayaks are still taking up most of the living room and the suitcases are on our bedroom floors? Time enough moving them tomorrow.

25. My dream holiday

There’s an ongoing battle taking place on in a living room in Warwick. My father-in-law insists he will make space for me to use the kitchen. I insist that I have no intention of using the kitchen. In fact, I want to stay as far away from the kitchen for as long as possible. We go through the routine multiple times a day. “I’ll be out of your way soon,” he says. “Take your time,” I say. “You’re not in my way.” He seems desperate to get me into the kitchen to cook elaborate and time consuming meals for myself. But, while he busies himself making batches of hearty barley and vegetable soup and rich meaty liver and sausage stews (in the middle of a heatwave!), that he will freeze for use over the coming weeks, I want to use the kitchen for no more than making a cup of tea or grabbing something quick and easy out of the fridge.

You see, I’m a solo parent. That means that, like so many parents in my position, I am 100% responsible for everything. My kids are great, they help out (when asked or urged) but, ultimately, the buck stops with me and me only. Apart from Sunday lunch at our next door neighbours’ house and the very occasional meal out, I am responsible for planning and making three meals a day, every day of the week, week in and week out. Sure, I take shortcuts such as batch cooking and eating leftovers, but that still requires planning. In addition, we live in a remote place without take-away options or the option of a quick trip to the supermarket to buy something last minute. I’m responsible for making sure the washing up gets done (by me or the girls), that the shopping gets done, that the gas bottle gets replaced for the cooker, and so on. I love cooking and baking, I really do. But the day in day out of it can become monotonous drudgery that takes up far too much time and head space.

So, for me, a holiday is not having to do any of that or, at least, reduce it to an absolute minimum. The girls have been away all week and I’ve only had my own food needs to think about. For me, that was as good as spending a week in one of those 6-star hotels in the Maldives or Dubai. Seriously, it was bliss. I gave absolutely no thought to what I would eat for any of my meals. When I was hungry, I grabbed a piece of fruit from the fruit bowl or popped up to the M&S Simply Food just 200 metres away and bought a yogurt or a meal deal. One night I ate microwavable mac and cheese in front of the TV and it tasted like haute cuisine, simply because I didn’t have to cook it and I didn’t have to clean up after. For lunches, I popped into a bakery near the library and got a spinach and feta roll or a sausage roll.

The break from cooking is part of a larger sense of what ‘holiday’ means to me. As a solo parent, I am constantly in decision-making mode for every single aspect of my life and the lives of my two children (with advice and support coming from wonderful family and friends). Financial decisions, educational decisions, health decisions, house and car decisions, and on and on. So, a holiday for me is also a break from decision-making. When friends and family ask what I want to do when we’re in the UK and Ireland my answer is “I don’t care.” And I really mean it. So long as I don’t have to make a decision about what to do, I’m up for anything. By the end of the past twelve months we’ve just had, I can’t tell you what it’s like to set aside my decision fatigue and rest my tired brain.

The girls are back now from their week away and, boy, did I miss them. But it’s pizza for dinner tonight and maybe a take-away tomorrow. I’m still in holiday mode and, try as he might, my father-in-law is going to fail in his bid to get me into that kitchen.

A bliss-inducing cappuccino that comes with Smarties on the side.

9. All the time in the world

I’ve been spending a lot more time with Angela in these last few weeks, since she was given her terminal prognosis. My weekly visits for morning coffee have evolved now into twice or three times a day visits. I know our time is short. I will leave to go to the UK soon and she will simply go. I call in at 11 each morning and again at 1:30 and maybe again at 3pm. Sometimes she’s asleep and I simply check on her and leave again. More often than not, however, she wakes when I come in, I help her to sit up, go to the kitchen to pour her a cold drink and make myself a coffee, and sit with her and chat.

Despite being noticeably more frail with each passing day, her memories are as sharp as ever. She quotes Tennyson and Shakespeare. She recalls a book on Pembrokeshire written by someone called Loxley that she borrowed from the library 61 years ago. She tells me about her first ever time on an aeroplane when she accompanied a patient from London to Trinidad and got drunk on gin and coconut water when she got there. She tells me about being a trainee nurse in London in the late 1950s and writing letters home to her parents in Leicester every day. Despite our weekly get-togethers over the past number of years, I learn more about her every day.

But I’m also in a rush. I’m leaving home soon and I won’t be back for ten weeks, so there are preparations to be made, the fridge to clear out, everything organized for the dog to go spend the summer with friends. I will be working all summer while I’m away, so I need to remember to transfer all my work from my computer onto my laptop. On top of that, I have an unusually large amount of work on my plate with various deadlines looming, so I’m trying to keep four different editing and writing plates spinning at once. Five days before I leave, a neighbour dies and the next day another. That’s two funerals now that I want to attend. On the day the first neighbour dies, another friend is rushed to hospital. Her husband is at a loss and asks me for some help. I wake up the next morning to discover that one of my kayaks has been stolen. I discover the next day that it’s been abandoned over the river, so now I have to go retrieve it. To say things are frantic and chaotic in these final few days is an understatement.

Yet, in the midst of it all, I continue to call to Angela two or three times a day. On Monday, she’s feeling weaker than ever and her every movement is slow and laboured and requiring lots of breaks. When she’s finally sitting up, with a glass of drinking yoghurt in her hand, she smiles at me and says, ‘It’s alright. We have all the time in the world.’ And you know, she’s right.

For all the mad rushing around, the lack of sleep, the ‘not-another-thing-piled-on-top-of-everything-else’ sort of week, here in her bedroom, time is meaningless. It’s just her and me, sharing our stories as always, making each other laugh, making each other think.

On my last day, as I finish up my work, finish packing, finish prepping the house to close it up, and count down the hours till my 7 o’clock departure, I decide to embrace Angela‘s insight that we have all the time in the world. When I visit her mid morning, she’s asleep. I don’t wake her but neither do I go home. Instead, I make a coffee and sit with her for half an hour, feeling time slowing down and my shoulders beginning to relax. When I return a couple of hours later, she’s awake. I help her up so that she’s sitting on the edge of the bed and we talk and talk and talk. For that hour, in that room, we have all the time in the world.

8. Leaving home and going home

Later today, I will close my front door behind me as the girls and I leave home for 10 weeks. We’ve never been away from Sanlucar for so long before. At first, we will spend a few weeks in the UK and then we will go home to Ireland. We have a wonderful summer ahead of us, packed with family and close friends and trips to all sorts of wonderful places and events.

But I have mixed emotions about leaving. I am saying goodbye to a close friend who, owing to illness, will likely no longer be with us when I return. At the same, I am excited to spend time with my family and dear friends, the people who have known me longer and who know me better than anyone.

I’m taking the girls away from a summer by the pool and at the beach, and being with their friends. I’m also taking them away from Lady. But then I remind myself of how hot it’s going to be and how we’ll be stuck inside the house most of each day in +40C heat. So, I’m looking forward to taking the girls to cooler beaches and to places familiar to them that they want to visit again and places new that they have never been to. And I’m excited about the time they will get to spend with friends in the UK, starting on Sunday, when we travel to London to visit their oldest friends.

While I have adapted to many aspects of Spanish culture, after ten years I have yet to adapt to staying out so late at night. I can do it once or twice in the entire summer. But, in general, when Sanlucar comes alive at night in the summertime, when many of our friends and neighbours are out strolling the streets, or at one of the bars, or sociably sitting outside their houses, the girls and I have already gone to bed. I have tried to adapt, but I can neither stay awake that late at night nor get by on so little sleep the next day when I need to be up at 6am to get my work done before it gets too hot. Lots of people have managed to adapt to it. Sadly, I’m not one of them. So, I’m looking forward to cooler weather in the UK and Ireland (despite a heatwave in the former at the moment) and sticking to my normal bedtime.

For all of that, for all the wonderful things I have planned, I know that when I am at home* in Ireland I will miss my home in Spain. I will be looking forward to coming home in September, batteries charged, feeling refreshed and renewed, and feeling love and longing for both the home I will be leaving behind and the home I will be returning to. I am grateful for both.

*I don’t actually own a home in Ireland. We’ll be couch and spare-bed surfing for the entire summer. It’s more that home owns me.

An aerial photo of my home in Ireland, taken sometime in the 1960s.